Sugarspycam 2k9
FACT: Good things come in small packages.
FACT: Condiments are expensive.
CONCLUSION: Hoarding condiments like a squirrel is not only an economical practice, but an aesthetically satisfying one as well.
Soy sauce and ketchup are the easiest condiments to hoard. The trick is to make a habit of grabbing extras whether you need them or not. Always take mustard, especially if it is a nice grainy Gulden’s Mustard.
Even if you take your coffee black, always pinch a few packets of Sugar in the Raw for later usage in cookie dough or yogurt. Sugar in the Raw in particular has a satisfying heft to it; a pocket loaded down with packets feels like a pocket full of actual currency.
Honey is the coup of hoarded condiments. Like silks, spices, and concubines, it has connotations of exotic luxury that make for an extremely satisfying hoarding experience. Whole Foods is a good bet for honey. Sometimes I sit upstairs at the flagship store on Houston and nurse a single bottle of water (fifty-nine cents; buy it downstairs) for hours while working and collecting honey packets.
There’s something lightly criminal—or at least dishonest— about lifting condiments when you don’t truly need them. But tough times call for Robin Hood measures. Think of it as an act of equitable redistribution.
—Molly
